Today is Egans first birthday and I’m a wreck! I have no idea how we got here. As cliche as it is to say, it feels like I had him just yesterday. The name Egan means “little fire” and it suits him well. He is a little firecracker inside and out. He’s loud, and curious and determined beyond belief.

Egan, if you ever read this, just know how much your dad and I love you!

My due date was February 23, 2020 and I always hoped I’d have him within a few days on either side of his due date. I was NOT trying to be pregnant for forever! On the 23rd we went to church as usual and then headed to walk around the mall to try to get things going. I had had false labor the night before so I was already exhausted and just ready to meet him. We walked for a couple hours and then went home to relax. We went to bed and what do you know, another night of false labor! You could say I was annoyed!

The next day (the 24th) I definitely felt some weird stuff going on so I called Labor and Delivery just to ask few questions. The nurse assured me that I wasn’t in labor but I was very close and to head to the hospital when my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart for at least an hour. I tried relaxing as much as possible but if you’ve had a baby you know that anticipation is like no other. I couldn’t sit still, I was so nervous/excited/anxious. I walked and walked like I’d done all my pregnancy. Then I walked to Bens work to talk to people and get my mind off things. Low and behold, around 1pm I started having contractions. At this point they were really far apart and not too painful, so I walked a bit more and then headed home to “rest” and have dinner.

By the time dinner was ready, I was definitely feeling it and had to pause between eating and contracting. But I was determined to eat that burger because I knew if I was in labor this would be my last meal, so I needed that energy. I finished dinner and continued to labor at home. Bouncing, rocking, walking, laying, all the things to help get this baby out. Ben was so great at helping and timing the contractions. By about 10pm my contractions were about 5 minutes apart and had been that way for about an hour so we made our way to the hospital. We live about 30 minutes away so we didn’t want to get caught giving birth in the car.

Walking into labor and delivery, the front desk lady KNEW I was in labor. So she check us in and the Dr. came in to check where I was at. I was only at 2cm! That’s freakin NOTHING and I knew what that meant. She told us to walk around the hospital for 2 hours and see if I progress anymore. So that’s exactly what we did.

Let me just tell you, hospital halls in the middle of the night are CREEPY! I mostly remember wandering around one specific area where there wasn’t a lot of traffic and every 4-5 minutes having to stop, squat and breath through the contraction. Every 4-5 minutes for 2 hours. We headed back to the room and…I was at 2.5cm……. Ya girl was NOT happy. So they sent us home and told us to go to my doctors appointment in the morning unless through the night the contractions got closer together and more painful. It was about 1am by the time we got home and we were both so tired, but the contractions weren’t letting up! So ben “slept” on the couch and I-I won’t even pretend I slept-I rolled around in pain in bed. All night I contracted every 4-5 minutes, never getting closer together. It didn’t matter how much bouncing, walking, showering, etc. They weren’t budging. They certainly got more painful but not closer together.

So, we headed to my 10am OB appointment and OMG the looks we got. I only vaguely remember so I’m mostly going off what Ben told me. I’d be bent over in the elevator and as people tried to get on they’d just look at him like, “OMG, is she ok?!” haha yup just in labor, don’t mind us! The front desk lady called the doctor and told him to hurry because I was clearly in labor and he did. He didn’t even check me, he just sent us straight to the hospital has soon as he walked into the room. “Oh, good morning, those contractions are DEFINITELY doing something!” Were his words. Thankfully my OB office was right across the street from the hospital so I walked. I was NOT trying to get back in the car again, sitting and laying made contractions even more unbearable. Ben moved the car and met me in labor and delivery.

They checked us into a triage room to check me, and guess what?! I was only at 3cm!!!! YO! I was floored! You’re telling me that I had been in labor for 21 hours at this point and had only progressed to a 3?! For those who don’t know, you have to get to 10cm in order for the baby to come out. So they said the same thing they said last night, “walk around and see if you progress.” But, it was day time now, there were people around. I didn’t want to walk around the hospital in the middle of the day. With the noises I was making I don’t think ANYONE would have wanted that. So I walked around the tiny triage room and bounced on a ball. After about 40 minutes the doctor came in and said, “Well you’re clearly in pain so we’ll just admit you.” FINALLY! Being sent home once makes you feel hopeless, I can’t imagine how I would have felt if I had been sent home for a second time.

Things got pretty real once we got into the labor room. I‘ll spare your the details, but after taking a bath and still not seeing any progression I decided to get the epidural so I could get some rest. By the time the anesthesiologists showed up it was about 1pm (ish) but at that point time wasn’t even a thing. So 24 hours of labor and finally a little bit of relief. But then, my labor stalled. So my contractions stopped…they gave me Pitocin to get them going again and it worked. But I still wasn’t progressing the way I should have been. I was secretly getting nervous that a C-section was in my near future (not that those are bad) but I just was terrified of surgery and emergency measures being taken. They bumped up the Pitocin a bit and tried breaking my water but they couldn’t because Egans head was right- freakin- there! Finally around 9-930 pm I started feeling a lot of pressure and they checked me and I was at 9cm! Thank you Jesus!!! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The Doctor had me do a couple practice pushes and I couldn’t stop pushing once I started. I pushed for an hour and 45 minutes. I only remember bits and pieces of my time pushing. But i’ll never forget the way Ben looked at me, tears in his eyes, as he could see Egans head and say, “Babe, he’s coming! He’s almost here!”

Egan was finally born at 11:54 pm on February 25th. 7 pounds 14 ounces 20 inches of pure heaven! Our miracle baby, the little babe we didn’t know if we could ever have, was finally earth side and safe in our arms.

They plopped him right on my chest and I was so tired I could hardly hold him at first. I mean, 35 hours of labor will do that to a mama! Labor and delivery was not at all how I had planned. I had hoped to go unmedicated with little to no interventions but I’d do it all 100 times over in order to meet Egan. He has been the best addition to our family and the biggest blessing in so many ways. I won’t lie, parenthood is hard and exhausting and trying, but he’s SO SO worth it!

Happy birthday Egan! Thanks for making me a mama and being my best little buddy!

Egan you are sweet, brave, bold, strong, silly, handsome, and determined. You are so loved, so precious, you are worthy.

Egan you are fire!